The twilight quietly gives out
And crosses the fold into dusk
The cloak of darkness opens,
and gives up the moon,
and the trail ahead lights up like a glow-worm,
phosphorescent.

Hush.
Only the muffled crunch of rocks in dirt
and the wind buffets the caves of your ears.

I am both things,
the fireplace and the wildfire,
the wine and the nectar,
the strum and the scream,
the stay and the leave,
the comfort and the cold,
the holding and the setting free.

And in being both,
I am neither.

limbo

dusk.

Labels: Poems

After a quick twilight run on the trail, tonight I went to the latest step in the city visioning project, the "BIG (Big Idea Gathering) meeting". It was an accurately named meeting, for it was little else than simply transcribing a few hundred ideas for ways to improve the quality of the city. I admit that I was a little let down at the lack of opportunity for discussing ideas--it made the two-hour meeting seem a little empty--but the turnout for the meeting was very good, many good ideas were proposed by the attendees, and it gave me a good look at what's on people's minds around town.

While the ideas proposed in my sub-group were all over the map--everything from building rail transportation between neighboring towns, to the city taking a more active approach in reintroducing those who've been released from prison back into society, to providing more affordable housing options in all new housing developments--when the top ideas from each discussion group were read out at the end of the meeting, it was interesting to see what themes emerged.

The most common themes, in terms of the number of groups who reported making them a high priority, included:

• Environmental issues--protecting wild areas, preserving trees, etc.
• Renewable energy--using more of it, energy efficiency
• Controlling growth--better planning of infrastructure, better quality developments
• Attracting business--drawing high-quality companies and jobs to the area
• Education--providing consistently high-quality education to children in all areas of town
• Looking out for the economically disadvantaged--providing loans for business development, making affordable housing and services available

It was notable that no strong pro-developer voice was heard, as far as I could tell. Even the obviously better-off members of my group, for example, were more concerned about quality-of-life issues like better airport services and a more vibrant downtown.

When I listened to the common themes being read to the overall group, I thought about what it all added up to in the end. It seemed that overall, the concern was about quality. Preserving natural beauty, using clean energy, reducing reliance on cars, attracting high-quality business to town (such as high-tech companies), and creating opportunities in the lower-income sectors. Not welfare, but opportunities--good housing, ways to develop economic self-reliance.

And it dawned on me that quality is precisely what has been lacking from Columbia's major growth and development projects lately. Nobody at the meeting seemed to be against growth and economic development. But they wanted good development--well-paying jobs, fewer franchises and more local businesses, more attractive and better-built buildings, and less environmentally-destructive developments.

Instead, what we've seen in the last few years in Columbia is an explosion of what amounts to junk-food developments. Large wild areas are clear-cut and leveled, and what goes in are cheap-looking strip malls and shopping centers, filled almost entirely with chain stores. Most of the jobs created are low-end, low-paying, part-time, with few benefits. Most of the money from such developments go to very few people, who already have money, and part of it gets sucked out of the community altogether, going to parent companies of the franchises. Housing developments are just as bad--builders come in, quickly slap together a neighborhood full of particle-board homes based on a few repeated designs, and leave in their wake something with no well-planned connection to city infrastructure, which often requires the city to fill in the gaps. On top of everything else, these commercial and housing developments are unattractive and often cheaply built.

And that's what's increasingly rubbing people in this town the wrong way--there's a lot of building going on, lots of new roads and new business, but in the end, what are we getting? Poor-quality jobs, unneeded goods and services, highly expensive housing, ugly concrete and neon landscapes, escalating burdens on city infrastructure, and little economic benefit for the majority of citizens.

This is a message that the developer and builder groups in the area would be well-advised to listen to. There's a growing wave of frustration and resistance to what developers have been doing. They can either change their ways and develop in ways that actually make the people of this town proud, or they can continue painting themselves into a corner. They can either be the engine of high-quality growth in town, or the biggest obstacle to it. What is the legacy they want to leave?

The visioning process is a long way from producing any tangible results, but a community voice is slowly starting to emerge. And it wants something better than what we're currently being given.

Labels: Culture

The pattern

Is what else Leonardo was doing on that day,
when he wasn't working on the Mona Lisa.

No one remembers now,
"What a day that was, when old Leonardo was
washing his sandals!"

We remember the days when they risked their safety for beauty,
When they risked their hearts for no guarantee of love.

For all the time I spend trying to dodge hurt
the story of my life won't be the days I avoided complication
won't be the tales I already knew the endings to

but instead

the times I stormed the barricades, unarmed
the times I let go of the railing and fell
the times I held my wounded heart in my hands and told it:

Our story is not going to be
about the one that got away.

Sometimes the hurt feels like too high a price for what I found.
But through that hurt is depth
And beyond it are joy, tears, laughter, and a new kind of trust
not based on the impossibility of failure
but instead on the movement through failure
where the restraints have been broken
and the persistence, the bond becomes a choice--
a willing, living, caring, believing phoenix of a choice
as alive and unprotected and risky as our lives really are

instead of

the pattern.

Labels: Poems

I've thought about writing about the NFL a few times this season, but have thought better of making prognostications in what has been, up to this point, an often confounding season. All along I've been skeptical of prevailing wisdom--remember all the pre-season claims that Carolina and Cincinnati were Superbowl favorites?--and have chosen instead to observe this unusual and hard-fought first few months.

But when your favorite team rises to its potential and beats the last unbeaten team in the league, that's as good a time as any to come out and start making some statements.

That, of course, refers to the 5-4 Dallas Cowboys taking out the high-flying 9-0 Indianapolis Colts. It's not a significant loss for the Colts--it's probably just as well to get their minds off the idea of an unbeaten season--but it's a very significant win for the Cowboys. In terms of raw numbers, it keeps them in the playoff hunt and lines up a possible division title if they can remain consistent.

To my eyes, though, the most significant thing about it is how well they seem to be functioning as a team at this stage. They've dealt with a lot of maddening chaos this year, including inexplicable breakdowns that resulted in needless losses, inconsistent performance from previous quarterback Bledsoe, major trouble with penalties, and dropped passes by star receiver Terrell Owens. No matter how much talent they have or how well they were playing in a given moment, they seemed vulnerable, ready to mess it all up. More than once this year I've been ready to declare them the rising stars, only to have an "ah, #$@%" moment as they lose another winnable game in cringe-inducing fashion.

And that's how they started this game, committing some bad turnovers and missing key opportunities to score. It looked like another mistake-prone, stumbling loss might be at hand. A sequence in the second quarter, when they failed to capitalize on good field position by not scoring a touchdown, then missed a simple field goal, then piled up a few costly penalties on the following Colts drive, seemed to herald the all-too-familiar Cowboys collapse.

But a funny thing happened in this game--instead of getting worse, they got better. They tightened up, the turnovers stopped, the penalties fell off, and they started digging in on defense. When, in the second half, they stopped the Colts and then scored a touchdown of their own to finally pull ahead, the transformation was complete. Quarterback Tony Romo was sharp and capable, the running game was good at all the right times, Terrell Owens was making key catches and key blocks as well, and the defense was disrupting the flow of Peyton Manning's 'no-panic' offense.

If this season has taught us anything, it's that any one game is no predictor of what's to come. But for the first time this season, the Cowboys seem to have a lineup that is one solid unit across the board (aside from kicker Vanderjagt's appalling performance) and which is improving by leaps and bounds. The Cowboys have a very winnable game on Thanksgiving and then play the injury-hobbled Giants the following week, and if they live up to their potential, they'll be 8-4 and solid playoff contenders. After all the media circus they've endured this year, I'm happy for them for their success, teamwork, and resolve. Hope they can keep it going.

Now, for a few of those unwise prognostications. Teams with great records are certainly emerging in both conferences. The Colts, Chargers, Broncos, Ravens, Patriots, and Bears are all obviously the real deal. In the AFC, the Chargers have been especially impressive--despite some shaky defense, they've shown that they can do whatever it takes to win, and they're looking better each game. The Colts, by a hair, are probably still the best team going, but the Cowboys figured them out this week, and if they don't find a way to solve that, then they could quickly find themselves playing catchup to San Diego or Baltimore. The Broncos are a great team, but after a great start tonight they looked flummoxed against the energetic Chargers. They and the Colts need to start winning some games definitively, so they can enter the playoffs with some momentum--failing to do that has really hurt both of those teams in recent years. The Ravens have a great record, but I'm not ready to get behind them until they get more consistent on offense.

As for the NFC, call me crazy, but I'm just not sold on the Bears yet. They've had an easy schedule, which has beefed up their stats on both sides of the ball and helped hide their issues on offense. They've only beaten two teams with winning records this year, and both of them--Seattle and the NY Giants--were hobbled by injuries at key positions. The rest of their wins have been against much weaker teams, and aside from next week's game against New England, the remainder of their schedule is pretty easy, so expect them to get home field advantage and lots of hype. But I also expect them to lose in the playoffs.

To who? Well, I guess it's time for some especially irresponsible predictions--who, with 6 games still left to play, I see emerging. It's hard to make firm predictions this year, because injuries have been such a huge issue for almost all teams--take today, when Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb received a crazily freakish season-ending injury on what looked like a routine play, ruining their chances for making the playoffs. While it's tempting to go with the safe choices of the strongest defensive teams--say, Baltimore, Chicago, and Denver--my gut's pointing me into riskier territory.

Specifically, my early-early Superbowl prediction is: San Diego vs. Dallas. That's right, Dallas. The key to the Chargers' success will be their health--they've got a pretty beat-up defense right now, and if they don't get some of those key players back or they lose more of them, then they could be in big trouble. But if they can hold the line on that side of the ball, their offense can beat anyone. The Broncos, Colts, and Patriots all look in danger of late-season identity crises, and the Ravens are flying high in a surprisingly weak division but are still a bit untested. All those teams will be strong contenders, but San Diego's got something special at the moment.

In the NFC, the playoff picture aside from the Bears is pretty muddled. The list of teams who might make it in is too long to list here, but many who are contenders by the numbers aren't going to cut it. Right now the Cowboys have an average record, but it's deceptive--they started the year with lots of chaos, including a new star receiver who wasn't used to their system, and then switched quarterbacks just a few games ago. Not to mention that they have one of the toughest schedules in the league this year. But they're also one of the highest-scoring teams in the league, with one of the best defenses. They're healthy at all key positions, they have great rhythm in their passing game, a solid run game, and lots of playmakers who can make things happen in a game. They've beaten better teams than the Bears have, and will have done more of that if they make it to the playoffs.

In short, I think they're a stealth team that is much better than their record, and they're finally starting to play like it and believe in it. And if they can get into the playoffs, they'll have good momentum, good skill across the board, and a coach with lots of postseason experience. The Bears, though an excellent team, aren't as good as their record, have inconsistency in their offense, and lack experience. Other NFC contenders, like Carolina, Seattle, and New Orleans, are as yet unproven and still have questions. And the Giants are a mess right now with all their injuries. If they can heal up quickly, I'd put them ahead of the Bears as well.

That's enough verbiage on pro football for now. From silent observer to foolhardy predictor in one day--we'll see if all that observing pays off. In this crazy season, there's no telling.

Labels: Sport

Even Robin never exclaimed something that absurd, yet it's due to become a reality.

It seems that as part of its ongoing efforts to combat terrorism, the Israeli military is planning to develop a "bionic hornet" that would be able to "chase, photograph and kill its targets", to "navigate its way down narrow alleyways to target otherwise unreachable enemies such as rocket launchers".

No, really. And they're working on super-powered "bionic man" gloves, too.

It all sounds pretty sci-fi--makes me think of the little miniature flying probes from the Star Wars movies--but the first thing that came to mind when I heard this story is: isn't it strange that Israel, the Holy Land to at least three major world religions, is also the world leader in killing- and security-related technology? That no state is so militaristically locked down, so permanently at war with its surroundings, so fervently focused on creating new ways of killing and torturing people?

Many people will hear such stories and fall into the lock-step thinking of, 'Israel's threatened by terrorists, so they have to protect themselves'. And certainly, if someone is threatening violence on others, they should be stopped (that goes for Presidents too, by the way).

But I can't help thinking that when you're more interested in creating bionic killer wasp-robots and bionic-man gloves than you are in addressing the root causes of violence and tension, that something's gone horribly wrong somewhere--that the situation has reached a new level of getting-off-track-ness.

Through these types of actions, Israel is making the world a darker, stranger, and less natural place--will the world really be a better place with the existence of bionic killer wasp-robots? That all this terrorism and bizarre war-technology is happening in what amounts to the world capitol of religion says a lot to me about humanity's capacity to disregard and destroy the beautiful potential in what it's been given.

So to all the people out there who think that flying killer robots, sonic weaponry, heat rays and lightning guns will make the world of tomorrow safe and happy and devoid of all those nasty dark-skinned bad people...sleep well. And stay the hell away from the rest of us, please.

Labels: Culture

I hate to even be talking about this, but I feel like adding my voice to this horrible O.J. Simpson spectacle that's currently unfolding. It's horrific on so many levels--that someone could find it in their heart to create a morbid work like this on the brutal death of a loved one, that a publishing company would support and fund the idea, that thousands of people will end up buying the book. It's a disgusting cycle that reveals the worst about our collective culture. From the original crime to the absurd circus of a trial to this new low, it is the very worst that America has to offer, culturally.

Among all the absurdity, Rupert Murdoch's News Corp--which owns the publisher of the book (HarperCollins), the Fox network, and the Fox News channel--has found a way to up the ante. Firstly, they're publishing this book, which is bad enough. Then they're airing a two-hour, two-night interview with Simpson about his wretched book. And to top it all off, their news channel is providing seemingly non-stop coverage of the interview, largely devoted to indignation and outrage over it.

Despite protests by the delusional Bill O'Reilly to the contrary, this is all one company that's doing this. Creating the book, then reporting on it as news, then completing the cycle by devoting hours of airtime to how outrageous and unconscionable it is.

The entire scenario, from the idea of the book to its creation to all this coverage, is a great example of how the media, especially the most pandering and unethical media like Murdoch's companies, work cooperatively to manufacture artificial realities. Everything about this situation--that it exists in the first place, that it's being made into a story of note, and the controversy surrounding that--is all fabricated. None of it would exist in the first place without the media companies--publishing and broadcasting--making it exist.

It's not like some accident or natural disaster that the media covers after the fact. This is different--they create it, they profile it, they react to it. They create the illusion of multiple parties at work--event/coverage/analysis--when there's one source for everything. And along the way, they wrap up millions of people and millions of dollars in the story, all the while balking at being held responsible for the results--as though they're not entirely responsible for its existence.

Shame on everyone involved. And if we keep watching this media and becoming uncritical players in its morbid theatre, shame on us too.

Labels: Culture

Earlier this week, a Columbia city panel scuttled the idea of paving our city's recreational trails with asphalt as part of an effort to encourage more trail use and less car use for commuting. The idea, originally proposed by trails consultant Ted Curtis and pushed by the mayor, was met with an enormous wave of opposition from users of the trails. Faced with such opposition, the PedNet panel decided to scrap the idea for existing trails, favoring instead the idea of covering any new city trails with a hard surface, which seems to me like a great compromise. (PedNet has more info on the pros and cons of paved trails.)

After this decision, Curtis said, "I’m a little concerned people are going to focus on [paving the existing trails] and not look at the big picture" of encouraging non-motorized transportation. As it happens, that's precisely the concern many people had about Curtis--that, in focusing on an unwanted change to existing trails, he was missing the bigger picture that Columbia is not a pedestrian-friendly town.

My issue with the original plan was twofold. For the most part, our city's recreational trails aren't very practical for commuters. The MKT trail does connect some significant parts of the city, but the areas it runs through are largely among the parts of town already most friendly to pedestrians. And the city's other recreational trails are pretty inefficient routes to anywhere--much better suited to their intended purpose of recreation than as effective routes of mass commuting.

The real issue when it comes to having a pedestrian- and bike-friendly town has nothing to do with these trails. It has to do with the isolated, inconsistent way that development has taken shape in this town. The size of this town is very manageable--it should be very simple to make this a town that can be easily commuted around without a car. But careless developers and a city council with little interest in cohesive planning have left us with a disjointed, patchwork infrastructure that has been slapped together with little regard for its overall flow. The result is a group of residential islands connected by major roads that are completely unsuited to non-automobile traffic. Our main arteries and all of our major commercial developments are built around the car, plain and simple.

This is why the paved-trail plan falls so far short from a practical standpoint. The vast majority of people in this town would gain no commuter benefit from our current trails. Take me, for example--I live in an old, established neighborhood and work for one of the city's major employers. I work only 5 miles from where I live, but I couldn't take a trail to work even if I wanted to--the routes wouldn't be useful for me. For me to get to work without a car, I'd have to navigate through at least 7 major intersections and travel almost the entire route on multi-lane, dense traffic arteries with no bike lanes (and sometimes no sidewalks or shoulders), 40-50 mph traffic, and major hills. Is it possible to do this? Sure. But is such a prospect going to encourage even 1% of the population to try it? Not a chance.

The key will be new trails and pedways. A significant road-extension project will be starting soon next to my workplace, and it will include an 8-foot-wide pedway running alongside the new road, separated from the main road by a swath of green space. Imagine if all of our city's major roads had such a feature! In a town this size, it would make walking or biking around town a snap. That's the future that PedNet imagines, and it's a great one.

I'll end with the second part of the reason I was opposed to paving our existing trails. As anyone who's read much of my writing on this site knows, I have a deep love for the recreational trails in this city. They provide ready access to a great degree of beauty--flora, fauna, creeks, forests, plains, wetlands. They provide oases of peace and contemplation in a town that's becoming increasingly muddled otherwise. They're a place anyone can go for a walk or bike ride, walk their dog, share the beauty of nature with their kids, play in the streams, even bow-hunt or fish in certain areas.

The gravel & dirt surface of the trails integrates with the natural surroundings. Bugs dig and slither through it, birds forage on it, grass grows in patches of it, water runs cleanly through it, its forgivingly soft surface rolls and ripples with the natural irregularity of the land around it. In short, it has an established identity, a specific beauty that is beloved by me and many others. Most of the people on these trails go there to get away from what is elsewhere, to be in this specific place. That place doesn't need to be turned into a road, with black ooze sealing off and suffocating a swath which would otherwise breathe and live. We don't need asphalt runoff, yellow stripes of paint, and slippery, slowly crumbling black junk carving up these sacred places.

Let them create new trails with all the modern advantages. But in this time when it seems like so much of the natural beauty of this town is being cut down, bulldozed, and paved over, leave us the things that we already have, that we value so much. Let us treasure what we have and make something new to complement it.

Labels: Culture, Environment, Life

Hollow, the fuel tank
The landing gear is aching
Please, just call me down.

Labels: Poems

The heat is cut off from the cold.
It heaves, it writhes, pumping hot breath.
It wants to give, needs to, but doesn't know
if the cold wants to receive.
It only knows that it reaches out
but can't touch.
Whether hundreds of miles apart
or pressed firmly together
they can't bridge the gulf
or won't.

We're different, you and I.
You've quenched the edge of loneliness
again and again, plunged it into the cool water
to keep it from burning your hands.
You've sighed into the steam and avoided.
I've held onto the white-hot blade,
hours, days, months, years,
until it became a part of me.
Now, when I'm alone
it's part of me--it changes who I am.
You can't see it, but it scrapes against my bones
it makes no sound but I feel it all the time.

I can think as hard as I like,
I can make myself believe all the reasons why you're not.
But then one little point of light slips through that curtain
And catches my eye
Then it flares up
And bursts over me
It fills the sky and lights up any corner I might hide in
It reaches from horizon to horizon
And in that instant, there's no containing you
And all the reasons I've put together
Are contradicted

and the ache returns.

Labels: Poems

What an amazing turnaround for America's fortunes this week has been. After three increasingly depressing elections over the last six years, where time and again the status quo was chosen and then worsened, the people have spoken: what we've had with the Republicans in power is simply not good enough, and it's time for a change. And change is coming--Democrats will now have control of both houses of Congress, and a majority of state legislatures and governorships. According to the DailyKos political blog, Democrats "didn't lose a single senate seat, didn't lose any House seats, didn't lose any governorships, didn't lose any state legislatures." In other words, Dems didn't lose any power they already had--they only gained.

Of course, unlike the misguided Republicans in '94, sensible liberals won't call this a 'revolution'. I see it as more of a returning to a sensible center. It was the worst, most extreme, least tolerant Republicans who were thrown out, for the most part, and those most consistently supportive of the President's harmful agenda here and abroad. The Democrats who were elected to take their places were of all stripes--young, old, liberal, conservative, urban, rural. This election wasn't the result of one distinct American voice choosing one unified path--it was the combined harmony of many different voices, asking for many different things, all adding up to a chorus of "we are better than what we've been." In the process, the religious right's fantasy of one homogeneous nation under a narrowly-defined Republican war-god is done. Over.

But rather than wax on and on about the possible themes behind this election, I'll just be happy for the feeling that change is still possible--that this nation hasn't been taken over by intolerant zealots--that it's possible to feel good about an election sometimes.

And for the notable changes which have suddenly swept in, including:

• The first woman Speaker of the House in history, and thus the highest-ranking woman ever in our government--third in the line of power behind the President and Vice-President.
• The first Socialist ever elected to the Senate--Bernie Sanders of Vermont (who, for the benefit of any unsympathetic readers, is no 'commie pinko' but a believer in democracy and the rights of the people over the rights of corporate money powers) (More on Sanders: site, writings)
• The first Muslim ever elected to higher office in the U.S., who's also the first person of color elected to national office from Minnesota. (Imagine, for a moment, that every single member of Congress is of a different color, culture, and religion than you. Now imagine that, for the very first time, someone of your religion, culture, and color is elected. That's how important that is.)
• Some of the worst offenders in the Republican party have been swept out of office--people like Richard Pombo in California, the son of a bitch who was making it his life's work to destroy the environment. Even better, he's been beaten by a wind-power consultant. And awful, two-faced creeps like Rick Santorum, a pandering fascist if ever there was one, and George Allen, a racist bully of the worst kind. Not to mention all the awful toadies like Dennis Hastert who will no longer be in positions of power.
• Representatives like Henry Waxman and John Conyers, long-time champions of ethics and proper conduct, will now be in positions of power to run ethics investigations which have long been blocked and swept aside by Republicans with things to hide.
• And last, but not least, the final, deciding race in the Senate, the Virginia result that finally put the Democrats over the top, was won by a redhead. (Our plans for world domination are coming along nicely.)

These are just a few of the great things which have happened this week. Now, with this change looming, we have a great chance for people of all political and cultural leanings, Democrats and Republicans alike, to recognize that no one voice can dominate everything--that the whole of the American people will never be pulled over to one narrow extreme. The only way anything of lasting value is going to be built here is for everyone to realize that it's only in the harmony of diversity that we find our unified voice. Anything else is doomed, like the antagonistic and heartless 'Republican Revolution', to failure.

Labels: Politics

Did a 4-mile, or a little over four miles probably, non-stop run this weekend. That's a high-water mark since I ran into bad trouble with shin splints a couple years back. It took me some time to get back out on the trails at all; the splints were a lingering problem and I was pretty paranoid about re-aggravating things.

Finally, when I began truly regular running again earlier this year, I told myself that I wouldn't worry at all about distance or shooting for some artificial standard--my goal was simply to do it on a regular basis again, to work it back into my lifestyle and regain it as a regular test of will and discipline. So when I started up again, I was content with short distances and short amounts of time. Each run was no longer a boundary-pushing struggle--instead, my test became consistency and motivation. Don't worry about meeting my old standards of distance--just keep doing it. Bad run one day, legs felt leaden, couldn't manage to quite reach last time's distance? No worries--just keep doing it.

That approach has really been paying off for me this year. I've taken off the weight I put on over last winter, and in conjunction with regular (but also non-straining) weight work at home, I'm enjoying good health and some good physique-development--I'm within a few pounds of my target weight and my blood pressure and cholesterol are both terrific.

I don't know if I'll make it back to my glory days of 6-mile runs or not; I know I'd be able to run that distance if I wanted to, but I don't want to overdo it again. I'd rather slowly and steadily develop, as I have over the last 6 months or so, and have running in my life, than hurt myself needlessly.

I'm no world-class runner, and I imagine one day I'll have to hang it up to protect one body part or another, but for now I'm happy with my work and my persistence.

So 4 miles sounds pretty great to me. Here's to, hopefully, hundreds more to come.

Labels: Life, Running